Archive for the ‘Litterbugs’ Category

>The ecology of litterbugs: part III

February 17, 2011

>Spring is right around the corner. In fact, the daffodils are already beginning to bloom. This seems early to me, but I say that every year. However, my crocus have not bloomed yet, and they are always first, so something is amiss.

But today was a lovely day for doing another ecology study. If you remember, I have done two previous studies of the Bessemer litterbug. These studies are conducted by gathering the litter distributed by the creatures along the curbs bordering my corner lot and analyzing it to determine their lifestyle.

Here are the results of today’s study. (It is highly recommended that you also review the two previous studies. Study 1 Study 2 [there are also links to these studies in the body of this report])

The population of Bessemer litterbugs seems to be in decline, based on the amount of litter.

On the previous two studies we learned that Bessemer litterbugs do not have a particularly healthy lifestyle, and that has not changed.

Whereas last time I found no evidence of tobacco use, this time there was evidence of Kool and Newport consumption. No cigars, though.

No evidence of breeding was found this time, just like last report. Again, this does not necessarily mean breeding is not taking place, as the last report was in March of 2009, in late winter. The most evidence of breeding was seen in a fall report, so this is just further evidence that fall is the mating season for these creatures.

Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips was once again found, for the third time. But along side this perennial favorite was Lay’s Salt and Vinegar Chips, Lay’s Classic, Doritos Nacho Cheese, Frito’s Honey Barbecue, and Bacon Cheddar Cheetos. Along the same line, a pack of Chester’s Flamin’ Hot Fries was consumed.

Sweets seemed to be favored over chips, and the variety ranged from Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts, Blueberry muffin, Zingers, Nekot Peanut butter Cookies, Russell Stover Chocolates*, and various individual candies (Sour Power, Blow Pop, Skittles [3x -especially popular], Laffy Taffy, Air Heads, Just Born, Now and Later, Jolly Rancher, Andes Peppermint Crunch).

There is an indication that some substantial food was taken in. A receipt from McDonald’s included a cheeseburger happy meal and a 10 piece nugget meal, with creamy ranch dip, and a strawberry shake and a Dr. Pepper. Most often a Happy Meal indicates an immature litterbug, and this was confirmed by a listing for a doll toy on the receipt.

McDonald’s is apparently a favorite, as another litterbug had consumed a Premium Grilled Sandwich, and fries.

Also consumed were one Burger King whopper, one Captain D’s fish meal, one Krispy Krunchy Chicken meal, and one Taco Bell meal. The Taco Bell eater preferred Hot Sauce with his meal.

Several Ketchup Packets were found, with Hunt’s outnumbering Heinz 3 to 1. One French’s mustard, and one Church’s Chicken Barbecue Sauce were found.

There was an indication that a meal had been consumed at a Chik-Fil-A. I especially hate to see this, as Chik-Fil-A is known to be virulently homophobic, as indicated by this sign seen earlier this year in West Virginia.

As for liquid intake, light beer was by far the preferred drink, as an (empty) case of Bud Light, and a Natural Light can were found. Two brown bags from the liquor store were found, but there was no indication of the former contents. A couple of water bottles indicated that some litterbugs are averse to alcohol consumption. Other drinks included an Ocean Spray Pineapple Peach Mango, a Grape Guzzler, and a KFC drink cup. Two styrofoam cups and one plastic cup indicated that some litterbugs bring drinks from home. One possibility is that the unmarked cups could be used to mix the liquor store purchases in.

Someone ate an orange and threw the peel out. Vitamin C!

As for the non food items found, no condoms, no sex aids, no diapers. But a lug nut and a universal battery terminal package were found. We have no clue.

We plan to do another fall study, so confirm our suspicions about the Bessemer litterbug mating habits.

*The Russell Stover Chocolates are a strong indication that mating could be right around the corner, as the mating ritual of Bessemer litterbugs has been shown to sometimes include a preliminary meal of chocolates, especially if they come from a hear shaped box. Unfortunately we do not know what type of box this chocolate came from.

>The Ecology of Bessemer Litterbugs – Update

March 11, 2009

>Be sure to read my Western Tribune column which follows this post.

On October 11, 2007, I published a piece titled The Ecology of Bessemer Litterbugs. I feel it is time to revisit the issue, to see if the habits of the species are changing. Please refer to the original post (for a good laugh and to see how this relates to my education).

Once again I have analyzed the litter picked up along the street on our corner lot. As in the past, no living creatures were sacrificed in this effort, although it was suggested previously that eradication of the litterbugs should be a goal, so sacrifice (for stomach content analysis) might be an acceptable method of data collection for the future.

Contrary to the last collection period, no evidence of mating was found. This could be due to the change in season, as the mating season of Bessemer litterbugs could be confined to the fall of the year. No evidence of male enhancement drugs or safe sex novelties were found this time, as opposed to last time. This may have led to safer driving, it is hoped. The lack of soiled diapers (or a diaper package) which last time was used as evidence of successful mating, this time leaves the question unanswered.

As for diet, there seems to be some consistency. Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Nut Granola Bar and Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips seem to be a perennial favorite (although the preferred brand of chip has changed from Lay’s to Golden Flake).

No evidence of real food was found this time. No Church’s Chicken or Krystal wrappers. In fact, the only evidence of meat was two empty Vienna sausage cans. The litterbugs may have been fooled however, thinking that animal crackers were actual animals, as a wrapper for those cookies was found. “Washpot Type” Pork Cracklins, is that meat? I’ll have to consult with a nutritionist.

Other food item paraphernalia found indicate consumption of a “25% Larger” Lance Peanut Bar (the “25% larger” descriptive on the package may have confused the litterbug into thinking this was an enhancement item, since the males have been known to use the supplements in the past), a Fortune Cookie, Werther’s Original Chewy Caramels, a Snoopy Bubble Gum filled Pop, Doritos Cool Ranch Chips and a Little Debbie Snack Cake.

Bud Light and Popeye’s Chicken (Louisiana Kitchen) drinks were equal in popularity, and non-alcohol drinks far outnumbered the alcohol drinks, a positive sign for Bessemer. Of the alcohol drinkers at least one litterbug is a high falutin’ Haffenreffer Private Stock drinker, the one time favorite of Wilt Chamberlain (“Nobody does it bigger”) and Notorious B.I.G. (“Smokin weed and Bambu, Sippin’ on Priviate Stock”). Here’s a picture of a typical Private Stock drinker from another biome, and a quote.

“It’s available in NJ but not within easy grasp for me… I wish it was though; this brew should be part of a balanced diet. That’s right – I’d drink it every day.”

Yeah I bet you would, because I found your Youtube channel where there are 94 videos of you drinking 40 oz beers. Gee. Get a life.

OK, back to the study.

Pepsi, Fanta Orange, Nestle Water, and generic Fruit Punch were also consumed.

There was a Valentine gift bag, but no evidence of what someone was giving to their lover. Possibly that is what the 40 oz Haffenreffer came in? Can’t you just see the guy in the picture, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Hon.”

A “Car Freshner” Tree (Morning Fresh) with some scent still remaining was found. I took this and hung it in my truck…(Not really – gross – but the trash bag smells really good).

There was one Cherry Peppers Phone Card Game Piece (win up to $7,777.77). This is an interesting find, because I would be willing to bet that had the inner message been “You’re a winner” rather than “Sorry no winner” that the piece would not have been found.

A torn newspaper clipping with a picture of a Bassmaster Classic winner holding a fish up (the name of the winner had been torn off) was found. It is possible that the litterbug who discarded this item was interested in the fish, and kept the name in order to track the raw food item down.

No items were found that related to tobacco use. Last time the Black and Mild cigars, Newport and Marlboro were common findings. Another positive indicator for Bessemer.

All in all, analysis shows that the population of Bessemer litterbugs is shrinking. Data is inadequate to determine if this is due to a change in reproductive habits, seasonal migration or other reasons.

Further studies are indicated and will be performed at appropriate intervals.